Can we do this by ourselves??!!

Yup, panic has set in...

Every first time parent has a moment, or moments, of being scared during the pregnancy. How will I know what to do if the baby gets sick? How will I know what the crying means this time compared to another time? What if I don't do this right? What if I don't do that right? What if I make the wrong decision for my child's future? And the list goes on, but I won't continue with everything that could roll off my tongue right now, as I may just drop down on the floor in tears lol!

In addition to the above (and everything else) however, there is one thing playing on my mind, and has been for a while. Can we do this here by ourselves? You see, we don't have our families here for support. We do have Auntie K here, who we are obviously grateful for, but she has a full time job with long hours, and a life of her own to live, so it would be unfair to rely on her.

Not that our parents don't have a life of their own - in fact between the 3 of them, they do so much socially, travelling, and for charity that I get tired thinking about it! But, with that said, with grandparents in the picture, there is a certain reliance you can put on them, even if it is a few weekends or evenings. As much as friends genuinely offer their help and baby-sitting services, it's not the same, and you can't expect the same of them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for an easy option, for my parents to look after our baby to give us an easier life! I don't believe in people having children just to give them to someone else to look after and raise them (my opinion, but completely understand that sometimes there is no other option), but the knowledge that they are there , just a drive away, just in case would be somewhat comforting. Parents are different to friends/other relatives. Even though they might do in reality, in that moment when you're pulling your hair out and just need that extra bit of emotional support, or just time to have a shower in fact lol, parents don't judge you. They love you and want to help you, just to give you the chance of being/feeling human again, even just for half an hour :-). It's an unconditional thing.

I'm very lucky that my mum will be coming to Australia for a couple of months to help out when the baby is born. I'm not taking this for granted - she will be leaving her life and home for an extended period of time, just to help us, and for that I'm really thankful. She will be coming a couple of weeks before I'm due, so that's going to be my time to learn EVERYTHING lol (let's hope I don't go into labour before she gets here!). I already have a sense of relief that before we go it alone, she will be around for support in the early days. I haven't lived with my mum for a few years now, and Jay is totally one of those guys who needs his space sometimes, so it will take a bit of getting used to, but mum is pretty cool - she spoils us in every way, making everything we want to eat, doing the cleaning,  and treats Jay like royalty, lol, so I'm sure we will be fine. My only concern is that when the baby comes, between the baby and Jay, will I even get a look in?!! (hint hint mum!!)

After mum leaves, I guess that will be the big test and an even bigger adjustment as we learn to find our own way and routine. It will be the right time for it though - we have to have a routine and get into a rhythm. Then comes the return to work and all the anxiety I'm sure that will bring. Given that we are by ourselves here, I would love to be able to stay at home for the first couple of years, but financially we just can't do it. Not to say that daycare is cheap - in fact it's the opposite - it's extortionate! If we had a parent around to maybe even just look after the baby 1 day a week it would make a huge difference, not only in terms of cost, but the fact that they would be getting exposure to another familiar person on a regular basis. I already feel guilty that our child won't have our families around them, so who know how I will feel when it;s time for my mum to leave and it hits home for real. On a side note, I read the other day that in Sydney it is more expensive to put your child into daycare than to send them to a private school in their teens! HOW??!!! I will talk about daycare in another post to follow...  

I've heard recently of a couple who are moving back to the UK after giving it a go here by themselves, but finding that they just couldn't cope. I don't think it was a case of them wanting to be out on the town every weekend, but more that they felt that they never get a night off. Babies are obviously tiring work, and though we've all felt tired and drained before, people without young children have the luxury of choosing how to spend their evenings/weekends. Babies do not understand this, nor do they care!! In which case, if Jay and I are both drained, what will we do? Baby sitters are always an option, but again that brings with it a whole other post - who can you trust? expense? etc etc 

I also have another friend who has moved back to the UK with her two little ones. They were feeling the same, that in the 3 years they have had kids, they feel drained with no support around them. There was also another reason though - their children didn't know their families - a factor which was important to them to fix, so off they went, fixing their two concerns at the same time.

Will we move back to the UK? I honestly don't know. We don't feel done with Sydney just yet, but have always known that the decider will be when we have children - London or Sydney? Time can only tell I guess as it's hard to decide that now - we need to assess when the baby comes, and give ourselves some time to adjust. I love Sydney and would love to stay here to give our child the Sydney lifestlye,c but I think this is also a whole other post! 

I've heard so many people say 'I don't know how I would do it without our parents', or 'I don't know how people do it without the support', but the reality of it is that people do. They do because they have no choice, and that's exactly what we will be doing. I realise that I may come across like I'm whinging a lot about the fact that we won't have parent support here, but I also know that we made the choice to be here, and we made the choice to have a child here, so we will deal with it how we need to. We will make it work - we have to!