Dear Mum...

Dear Mum,

It's Mother's Day here in Australia, and this year I want to take the time to write you a letter - not something I usually do, but this year is different. This year, I am a mum myself and not only have the immense pleasure of being Mia's mum, but the experience has already taught me so much. The one big thing that has especially become clear is a lot about, well, you!

Where do I start? I've always known I've been lucky to have you as a mum. We have had our moments over the years and God knows I didn't feel lucky in those times, but who doesn't have those moments? What mother-daughter relationship doesn't get tested over the years with the bickering, disagreements, and general teenage rebellion! I get now, even just after 5 months of having Mia that you must have felt so hurt when I didn't listen or shouted back at you. I don't like it when Mia is upset with me for trying to put her to bed when she doesn't want to be put down, let alone all of the bigger things I have yet to come! How hard it must have been for you to say 'no' or when I went into a tantrum - I know now, it was for my own good...

All that you ever have done and do is with us in mind. Whether I thought it was good or bad, whether I agreed or disagreed, I never realised until much later that it has shaped who I am today, and the way I think about parenting Mia. You may not believe it, but soooo many people tell me how lucky I am to have a mum like you. I used to think it was just one of those things that people say when they are having an argument with their own mum (!), but I know different now. I didn't get it before - but now I see they really meant it. People still say it today - they see the kind, warm-hearted person you are and how you really do care for your family before yourself. It's one of the many things that really is so special about you. I hope I can always be like that.

When I was growing up, like most other kids, I admit I took you for granted. You were my mum and that meant it was your job to do stuff for me! Okay so that's a bit simplistic, but a bit of a brat that I was when I was a teenager, I guess I really did think that to an extent - sorry!! We had our arguments but we also had many many lovely moments shared. I don't think I understood then that times that I thought we were just going about our day to day, were actually special in your eyes. They were memories that you still think of now :-) I see it now - all the time I spend with Mia, I cherish. Each giggle, each smile when she sees me, each milestone she reaches - I cherish, and I can't wait for all the moments still to come. I can't wait, yet I can - she will be grown up before I know it and married and moving away!

When I moved to Australia, it was hard to leave you (and Bhavesh and Dad of course!) - really hard - but for me to be leaving you was unthinkable to you I know. To no be able to see your daughter everyday, or to know she is just half an hour away? I remember the last few days before I left. Even though I was busy packing our life up in London, whenever I saw you, your face said it all - to you, I wasn't just moving away, I was leaving you. You knew I was unsure and nervous, yet you encouraged me and told me that you knew we were doing the right thing for us. You knew it was something I needed to do. You could have said I didn't have to go. You could have asked me not to go. You didn't though. You wouldn't. Why? Because it is ALWAYS about what is best for us, no matter how it might upset you.

When Jay and I got married, you at once treated him with respect and love, and like he had always been a part of our family. Not many people can do that, but your nature allows you to do so, and both Jay and I are very grateful for that. It enabled you to have a really lovely relationship from very early on, which continues to grow :-)

I'm thinking now about all the times you have been there for me, the times you have helped me, the times you have advised me, the things you have to taught me about kindness, caring and unconditional love - I could only hope that I can be half the Mum to Mia as you have been to me, Bhavesh and now Jay. You may not have always been the coolest mum, with the coolest clothes, and we weren't always allowed the coolest clothes or toys. None of that matters. Instead, you loved us unconditionally, never reminding us of all you did for us, just going about doing what you needed to do for us, whether we 'hated' you or not! To this day, you never remind us of the things you have done for us, or continue to do. The amount of times I have heard 'all I want is your love and for you to be happy'! I know you mean it too. When you come to visit, we want to take you places, but I know you don't care where we are! Some of our greatest memories are at home!

I feel like there are so many things I want to say, but can't even begin to touch on how important you have been in making me who I am today and who I want to be as a mum to Mia. I have had the best role model and hopefully Mia will grow up feeling the same about me as I do about you. I know for sure that she will grow up feeling extremely loved by her Nani, and made to feel so very special by you. Just when I thought a mum couldn't love her kids any more, you show us just how much a grandma can love a grandchild!

I wish I knew earlier all that I know now, but the day has come when I have realised what 'you will understand when you have kids of your own' means!! You waited a long time for that to happen, but the day is here - it all makes sense now! I understand what it means to be a mum, and I'm sure a few years from now, I will understand even more!

Mum, I love you very much for all that you have been, for all that you are, and all that you continue to be. For any time that I have hurt you unintentionally, I am really sorry. Thank you for the forever unconditional love. I'm not the best at saying these things in person, but hope you know that I don't write these words for the sake of writing them.

Happy Mothers Day Mum, from across the miles....love always xx