Reflections at halfway

Well, here I am 20 gone, 20 weeks to go - well I hope it's 20 weeks, as we still have soooo much to read, do and prepare for!!

How do I feel? 

Physically - at this stage, I feel pretty great to be honest. I have the odd few aches and pains, but nothing I can't handle, and compared to the first trimester, this second trimester is like a dream so far! I have quite a bit of energy, which is great as it means we can go out and get stuff for the flat etc and I don't feel like I need to run to a bathroom, or avoid anywhere that serves food just in case the smell sets me off. It also means that I can stay up past 8.30pm, and have some time just to sit and relax with Jay, instead of falling asleep on the sofa within minutes!  I have to say, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm growing, there are some days that I could even forget that I am pregnant! I hope I haven't spoken too soon - I'm sure that will change soon enough!

Emotionally - well this is the tricky one as I'm a TOTAL mix of emotions! Don't get me wrong, I'm not crying my eyes out one minute and in hysterics the next - nothing crazy like that - but more just the fact that sometimes all is well, just getting on with things, and the next it can all be extremely overwhelming.

I am sooooo happy that we have this baby on the way. As I have already said, it has been a journey to get here, and I am so thankful that we have been blessed with this pregnancy. I am thankful everyday that we have seen another day through, and just the thought of seeing our baby when it is born, gives me a warmth inside that I can't describe.

I'm looking forward to seeing Jay look at and hold his son/daughter for the first time - this is the thing I'm most looking forward to as I have had the privilege of carrying this baby, and I will soon get to feel it move and kick. He won't be able to experience this, so I know that the moment he first sets eyes on him/her, will be a  moment I will never forget. I know there is always a bond between a mother and child, but there is something about a father with his child for the first time after waiting so patiently to meet him/her, that is a whole other emotion.

There is also the excitement of it all, that we will be our own little family, and looking forward to all the moments and milestones that will bring. The smiles, the cuddles, the 'firsts', finding the common traits to me/Jay, the bond etc...

Then there's the being scared!! Being scared of having a little person relying on us, wholly, to survive! The life change, the responsibility, the cost, the sleepless nights! How will we do this by ourselves here, without the help of our parents?? (separate post to follow)

So you see, we are over the moon, and amazed by the whole thing, yet scared and terrified of getting it wrong - it's a different emotion from one day to the next, but I'm not worried about that. I'm pretty certain every first time parent goes through the motions of this emotional roller-coaster - I just wish I could get off for just a bit and give my brain a rest!